A second issue for a marriage is that one partner turns to the internet for flirting and sexual excitement rather than to their partner.

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Of course your husband should not blame you and he must take responsibility for how he has hurt you with his online behaviour, but the two of you must take responsibility for improving the marriage.

Though it may be painful, the fact that you have started talking about issues is a good sign.

This should be time you have alone perhaps when the children are in bed and to make sure it is distraction free (with the computer and TV turned off).

In addition, try to have at least one special evening a week when you get a baby-sitter when you can do some new things together. The biggest prize of a successful marriage is closeness and intimacy – which allow a couple to accept and support one another on a deep level.

Improving the marriage The discovery of your husband’s online world is a crisis in your marriage but it can also represent an opportunity.

You could see this as a “wake-up call in your marriage to examine problems in the communication between the two of you and to address this.My husband is a great father and has always been very hands-on with the children who really love him and I don’t want to end up separated.AWith people spending more and more time online, accessing pornography and adult websites can be a big problem in modern marriages.Such intimacy is built on communication and friendship and leads to deep affection and a satisfying sex life.However, creating this intimacy is hard work and much harder than the easy escapism of the internet or watching TV or even over-working or domestic chores.ASK THE EXPERT: QI have been married 10 years and we have four children aged 9, 7, 6 and 4.