In the LGBTQ community, the absence of risk when it comes to sleeping with an undetectable partner, and using a condom to prevent other STIs, is much more widely accepted and normal, though still tough.But as a single heterosexual woman, I have the added challenge when dating of convincing men, who are often just as naive as I used to be, that they can be intimate with me.Even better, it means that there's no risk of sexual transmission, even if I don't use a condom (though I'm better at that now, obviously).

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When a person goes on treatment — I take one pill a day — undetectable is the goal.

Staying on treatment and keeping my viral load at undetectable levels means that I'm going to lead a long healthy life.

I got lucky for a little while and seriously dated a man for about a year, though I had initially lied to him for two months about my status.

He forgave me and we worked through it, like grown-ups, and had a good time getting to know each other, but the insecurities that came along with the initial deceit led to more baggage than was healthy for either of us.

After my diagnosis, Matt and I stopped making dinner together, speaking to each other, and sleeping in the same bed.

(He was negative, and had been getting tested his entire life.) We broke up within the year.

Taking care of your health is more adult than playing house with a boyfriend, yet, even though I had been tested for STIs, I had never thought of getting an HIV test.

But one day, randomly, I added the HIV rapid test to the list of things to do before intake to my pap smear appointment.

I grew up during the HIV/AIDS crisis and should have known better, but as a heterosexual woman, I equated safe sex with not getting pregnant more than with getting an STI, let alone HIV. It's embarrassing to admit that now, but I really did ignorantly think sex was all fun and games.

For me, "dating," was basically a euphemism for casual sex.

Shame and fear was a part of it, but even more so I think there was a part of me that wanted to pretend that HIV hadn't happened to me.