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Meanwhile anonymous Miss Y points out “It’s very difficult to meet boys here, they’re reserved.They make a move with difficulty and feel strange and embarrassed starting a conversation.
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Kofterou believes that people would benefit greatly both personally and in relationships if they addressed the ‘narrative’.
They can do this by identifying their own values, principles, passions, needs and what gives them happiness, either with the help of a therapist or from books or the internet.
It’s a convoluted dynamic, which is very dysfunctional,” says psychologist Marianna Kofterou who specialises in marriage, relationships and family therapy. Even if they don’t like you, they’ll talk to you and won’t be rude,” says anonymous Mr X.
Many men, he says, are turning to the company of “German girls in Paphos, Russian girls in Limassol and English Cypriot girls in Larnaca” for dialogue and a confidence boost.
You need to be able to see this on yourself if you want to improve yourself,” says Kofterou.
An anonymous source who ran one of the first off-line professional matchmaking services in Cyprus (hosting 200 clients on her books) adds “people are afraid of opening up to each other and being vulnerable because of the gossip level”. These judgements and out dated expectations within society start with grandparents, then parents and now people do it to each other within their own generation in order to fit in explains Kofterou. If they are not ticking off the boxes, they get depressed and will judge you. Of course we’re not going to approach each other and date, we’re far too busy being threatened and distancing ourselves from each other.” Unfortunately, these narratives in people’s heads, clash with the times. In the past, relationships were organised and the ‘narrative’ was accepted.You need a general level of awareness of your behaviours.You may be putting obstacles in your way or hurting others around you.This would give them clarity on who they are and what they really want and need from another on a less superficial level.Kofterou works in depth with both men and women to help them achieve this.This can be responding to touch, gestures, phone calls, messages of any kind.